be happy

Sometimes the weight of the world is too much, and everything just piles onto your shoulders, and then you're walking and your knees buckle and your entire body just collapses.

Sometimes all that can make you happy, or just less sad, is just sitting there, head on the table, blasting out a good old song and just immersing yourself in it.

You could be sad for many reasons. Depression can hit people just like that, it is a diagnosed problem -- there might not be any reason for it, it just happens. There is no one cure, sometimes you'll feel alright, sometimes you just want to stop feeling. Now most of us don't suffer from depression, but we still feel...

Why is it that you're sad? Is it stress from work? Is it because of other people? Is it because you feel your life has no meaning, you're stumbling blindly in the darkness, grabbing hold onto anything you can feel? Is it because you're so caught up in your own iniquity and you're weighed down from all that guilt?

It's different for everyone, and everyone feels it. I know I've felt most of these feelings. But you know what? I've come through, and you will too. One day, its just going to feel good. Simple. I feel better. There's always something to feel good for, your heart just has to find its way back.

So stress, other people, lost, guilt? Pick one. For me, I feel it's all under control. God has a plan for me and I've just got to keep standing back up just so I can get ready to keep on walking. He knows what you're feeling, He felt it all himself. How much more can He help you now since He's felt all of your pain and suffering? He knows the best way to help you.

Last night I went to bed tired and weary and beat down. Sometimes you just want to cry yourself to sleep because it feels better. How much more pain do you feel when the tears don't come? This morning, I woke up with one thought in my head. I'm going to be happy today, because those people out there need it. They need to know that I can feel happy because God is on my side. And you know what? I felt happy today. I didn't drown what happened, I just drowned the bad feelings. It worked.

Begin each day as if it were on purpose. Because it is.

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This post is named after the song by Mary J. Blige

behind closed doors

Sometimes I wonder if what happens behind closed doors is more or less the same for everyone... but I guess we won't know until we close our own doors.

I've been watching one of my favourite TV shows One Tree Hill, and I've noticed every single one of its episodes have been named after songs. Even the Pilot show was itself named One Tree Hill after the song by U2. So I've been inspired, and from here on, my blogs will be named after songs. I may not be as knowledgeable in music as some of the production team behind the show, but I guess most of the stories there are to be told are just old ones being re-told.

my fears.

Following my previous post, we should all realise that there is nothing to fear; Jesus' death atoned for every single sin of humanity and whoever turns to God will be seen blameless because God put us before himself and promised to forget all our sins, because this is the very meaning of forgiveness: to never bring up the past and never use it against us.

Here's what I did: I came to the Cross battered, broken, yes... but through all that, sin still engulfed my heart and I was self-righteous. I said to Jesus, I don't want your sacrifice, I don't deserve it. No, I didn't deserve it, but that wasn't the real reason I didn't accept His sacrifice. The real reason was because I was self-righteous -- I told myself I will accept all the punishment because I can't forgive myself. My own forgiveness was more important to me than God's forgiveness, as if I hurt myself and humanity more than I hurt Him. And so if we lose all in this world, we can still rejoice in our greatest reconciliation, forgiveness from the One we hurt most.

Sometimes I lose my way and I still have fears in my life, but when all the dust has settled the vision of the Cross reminds me that all will be well. With faith, we can see the Truth through the barrier made by our sin, but sometimes when we falter we can lose this God-given power of X-ray vision.

I fear passion. Passion burns inside me, but will I want it too badly? What if I lose track of my motives and something good turns into something selfish, for my own glory, for my own pride and reputation? Do I hide what I feel inside me? Will I be self-serving to be more involved? Does being more make me bigger or God bigger? I know I shouldn't be guided by what they think, but what if I'm wrong and they're right?

I fear love. Love is God's greatest gift, but what if we mistake something else for love? Should I avoid it altogether, will it be easier to be alone? Do I fight attraction? Isn't non-physical attraction godly enough? Am I making excuses?

I fear conceit. What if I'm reading into everything wrong? What if I'm so caught up in the way I see things that I've become blind? Am I being naive, have I seen everything from every single perspective? And what if I try to? Will I get caught up in a lie?

Of course these are the ramblings of a sinful madman. God has all the answers, the Cross is the answer.

God will prepare your heart for whatever He has in store for you. Your passion can be lived out as He guards your heart.

Everything has a season. Love will blossom, and He will prepare your heart for that season.

When God promised your salvation, the infallible nature of the covenant stemmed from forgiveness and guidance. In His presence, anything is achievable.

"This is the covenant I will make with the house of Israel after that time," declared the LORD. "I will put my law in their minds and write it on their hearts. I will be their God, and they will be my people." Jeremiah 31:33

You see, He forgive us, He will help us be better, more godly people, He will be our Comforter, and nothing can ever pluck us from His hand (John 10:28).

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This post is named after the song by Charlie Rich

what it looked like; a painting for you

An image of Jesus' sacrifice, from When God Weeps by Steven Estes and Joni Eareckson. As you read, refuse to let the scene be familiar. Let its reality shock you and break your heart, take it for what it is...

The face that Moses had begged to see -- was forbidden to see -- was slapped bloody (Exodus 33:19-20). The thorns that God had sent to curse the earth's rebellion now twisted around his own brow....
"On your back with you!" One raises a mallet to sink in the spike. But the soldier's heart must continue pumping as he readies the prisoner's wrist. Someone must sustain the soldier's life minute by minute, for no man has this power on his own. Who supplies breath to his lungs? Who gives energy to his cells? Who holds his molecules together? Only by the Son do "all things hold together" (Colossians 1:17). The victim wills that the soldier live on -- he grants the warriors continued existence. The man swings.
As the man swings, the Son recalls how he and the Father first designed the medial nerve of the human forearm -- the sensations it would be capable of. The design proves flawless -- the nerves perform exquisitely. "Up you go!" They lift the cross. God is on display in his underwear and can scarcely breathe.
But these pains are a mere warm-up to his other growing dread. He begins to feel a foreign sensation. Somewhere during this day an unearthly foul odour began to waft, not around his nose, but around his heart. He feels dirty. Human wickedness starts to crawl upon his spotless being -- the living excrement from our souls. The apple of his Father's eye turns brown with rot.
His Father! He must face his Father like this!
From heaven the Father now rouses himself like a lion disturbed, shakes his mane, and roars against the shriveling remnant of a man hanging on a cross. Never has the Son seen the Father look at him so, never felt even the least of his hot breath. But the roar shakes the unseen world and darkens the visible sky The Son does not recognise these eyes.
"Son of Man! Why have you behaved so? You have cheated, lusted, stolen, gossiped -- murdered, envied, hated, lied. You have cursed, robbed, overspent, overeaten -- fornicated, disobeyed, embezzled, and blasphemed. Oh, the duties you have shirked, the children you have abandoned! Who has ever so ignored the poor, so played the coward, so belittled my name? Have you ever held your razor tongue? What a self-righteous, pitiful drunk -- you, who molest young boys, peddle killer drugs, travel in cliques, and mock your parents. Who gave you the boldness to rig elections, foment revolutions, torture animals, and worship demons? Does the list never end! Splitting families, raping virgins, acting smugly, playing the pimp -- buying politicians, practicing exhortation, filming pornography, accepting bribes. You have burned down buildings, perfected terrorist tactics, founded false religions, traded in slaves -- relishing each morsel and bragging about it all! I hate, loathe these things in you! Disgust for everything about you consumes me! Can you not feel my wrath?"
Of course the Son is innocent. He is blamelessness itself. The Father knows this. But the divine pair have an agreement, and the unthinkable must now take place. Jesus will be treated as if personally responsible for every sin ever committed.

The Father watches as his heart's treasure, the mirror image of himself, sinks drowning into raw, liquid sin. Jehovah's stored rage against humankind from every century explodes in a single direction.

"Father! Father! Why have you forsaken me?!"

But heaven stops its ears. The Son stares up at the One who cannot, who will not, reach down or reply.

The Trinity had planned it. The Son endured it. The Spirit enabled him. The Father rejected the Son whom he loved. Jesus, the God-man from Nazareth, perished. The Father accepted his sacrifice for sin and was satisfied. The Rescue was accomplished.

the solid line

Bestselling author Joshua Harris writes in his book Boy Meets Girl:

"We need the yellow lines on a road even though they can't stop a car from swerving into the wrong lane and having a head-on collision. Though the lines are unable to stop a driver who wants to ignore them, they do help drivers who want to avoid danger."

So if life was a journey (bear with me here =p), then there is clearly a line separating a sinful life and a godly life. Here in Australia, we have dotted lines and solid lines. Dotted lines allow a driver to cross it sometimes, according to his or her own judgment on whether it is safe or not. Solid lines, you can never cross. With sin and God, there is a clearly marked solid line. There is no grey area with sin, there's black and white. And as Josh says, they are not physical barriers that can stop someone from driving head on into imminent death, the solid line is there to help drivers who want to avoid danger.

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For those of you who know me very well, you know that I am constantly thinking, I think too much sometimes. My brain likes to jump back and forth into the red zone of your x1000 revs/min odometer.

I don't know what it means for a Christian to be blogging and hopefully I can get to that thought by the end of this, but here are some reasons I think I started to write:

1. I like to write, I don't know how good I am at it, but I like to write. Back when I was free to do pretty much whatever I wanted in higher level English, it was my favourite subject. Of course, during Year 12 I hated English but I like to say I hated HSCEnglish. One word - HSCEnglish.

2. It's a way to filter all my thoughts. I shared one of my thoughts to a friend the other day and got the understated reply "you're random". Just today, I was bombarded with o.O faces. Also, a downside to your brain running at high speed is that some of your thoughts aren't so... wholesome. And that's part of the battle with sin, but nonetheless, there are a lot of things I'm ashamed of and I'd rather take the time to dwell on some of the more wholesome.

3. My brain runs at high speeds, but unlike some people I find difficult to understand (and sometimes I point it out at their own expense =p), my mouth doesn't keep up. I don't happen to talk a lot because I don't feel secure about speaking for fear of tactlessness or sending the wrong message or just in general being outspoken. Instead I retreat to my little corner and watch and observe as people live out their own lives.

4. I struggle with being a good witness. I'm, as Pastor Dale said last Sunday service, not a gifted evangelist. I don't have the right words to say when put on the spot, and I don't have the right timing. But as I have been praying about it I think God, on His own terms, has lead me here. A lot of my friends are not Christians, and I don't know how to bring up salvation in everyday conversation. A lot of people don't want to talk about it, and I guess although the best way is to discuss issues so important as this, some people just feel more comfortable listening, or reading, than to be so directly involved in such a tabooed issue as spirituality. I trust that since God has lead me to this place, here and now, that He has prepared me to be faithful in the Way and the Truth and draw those willing.

Romans 10:14

How then, can they call on the one they have not believed in? And how can they believe in the one of whom they have not heard? And how can they hear without someone preaching to them?

And so if you're reading this and thinking it's religious babble, its not. I am not religious. My prayer is only that I may share my thoughts with you, and among these thoughts, that I am willing to share those that bear witness to my Lord and Saviour.

I want to conclude with something I recently read about opposition leader Tony Abbott. He said 'Politicians are going to be judged by everything they say, but sometimes in the heat of discussion, you go a little bit further than you would if it was an absolutely, uh, calm, considered, prepared, scripted remark. Which is one of the reasons why the, the the statements that need to be taken as absolutely as, as gospel truth is those carefully prepared, scripted remarks.' (Note he likes to stutter a lot)

It reminds me of a saying back in cadets that probably derived from the Australian Army itself: "Do as I say, not as I do," leaders would joke. Obviously, we're taught that this is not the case, and we must also lead by example. For my Christian brothers and sisters, we should be a beacon in this world, but our light comes from Jesus. We must strive to be more like Christ in order that we may please Him, and so that we may show by example, to those who seek Jesus through us, the preachers of Romans 10:14.